Tag Archives: limits

How I came to find my purpose


Ten years ago I felt flat, depressed and frustrated. I knew there was more to life – more I wanted to be doing, more I wanted to be contributing, more I wanted to be feeling. I wanted to live on purpose. I wanted to matter more. I couldn’t figure out what that meant or how to do it.

I was largely unaware of my inner world.

I had no idea that I was waging an incredible battle against myself inside.  


Luckily, my frustration pushed me so far that I finally let go and asked life to help me find what I was looking for.

It worked. Life took me inside to see clearly what was happening in my inner world. It led me to the people that could help me understand and approach everything differently. I got what I needed to begin to act as my own best ally instead of my own worst enemy.

In some ways, I have made this extra crazy for myself because I have been a very stubborn case. Letting go and trusting is such a stretch! Which comes first? How can I trust if I don’t let go? How can I let go if I don’t trust?


It has been and continues to be a process and daily practice.

It has been the most rewarding thing I have ever done, for myself and everyone I care about.


Everything has changed.

My relationships are fundamentally different.  I used to hide the real me, protect my heart by allowing no one access to it, control my experience and deny true connection. Now I am able to be open and loving, showing up curious, willing and able to trust enough to connect deeply.

There is no real distinction between my work and my life. I am so fully on purpose, doing what I love, that my work infuses my life and it feels wonderful. This does not mean I have become a workaholic. It means that there’s either no such thing as work, or no such thing as life without purpose or meaning. There’s just no distinction. I am fully engaged in my life and my work and they are tied together in joy and meaning.


This was not an immediate magical shift.


It has been the result of deliberate new choices made over several years. It continues to deepen and become richer. And it is the best thing I have ever done for myself and for everyone around me.

This shift has reconnected me to joy.

Now I help other people find their purpose by reconnecting to their joy. And that’s about as good as life can get.


If you feel the shift and want to find YOUR purpose here, send me an email.


One thing I feel quite sure of – if finding your purpose is your next step, your heart is telling you loud and clear. It's time.


I will be delighted to speak with you.



The Shift to Consciousness


Can you feel the shift?


There is something profound happening right now in the world. I can only describe it as a deepening into the idea and feeling of coming home. We are like salmon coming home, upstream into the rivers of our origins. And we are deeply supported by life as we do.

This shift has become so powerful that it is helping us all to swim through the nets of fear of what other people might think, fear of not being enough, and fear of how very much we might actually be.

It is helping each of us to come back home to what we ourselves know: That we are connected on a very deep level, to ourselves, each other and to life.

This expansion into our connectedness is a continual process. It is an on-going spiral that starts when we’re born and accelerates as we experience synchronicities and become more and more aware of how very supported we are by life force energy.

Right now this process of coming into awareness, clarity and joy is accelerating beautifully.


Even science is agreeing that there is a measurable, replicable, amazing force in our consciousness that connects us all and supports our connection and expansion. Life itself is holding space for us all to live according to what our hearts know and let the other fears and doubts fall away like leaves in autumn.

As a species, we are growing aware of our inner world, and the profound effect it has on what goes on outside in what we have historically called reality.

There is a new world available to all of us – a world of consciousness. In this world, what matters is mastering our personal energy awareness. It is a world in which we release control and move into trust.

It is challenging to convey what is available to you in this new world.


Most of the things I could say about being in this world sound like things you have heard many times.

What is different is the level of feeling and connection. When you move into this world, the things I would say about joy and trust and connection and love are no longer concepts outside of you, or words in your head.

You feel them in your body, you know them as your truth, and you begin to live in them as your natural state.

As you move into awareness, you see the system behind things and become far more effective, using what works and letting go of what doesn’t.

Much of what you will let go of is resistance to how good things can be.


You will release old unconscious behaviors that cost you energy, like rejection and judgment. Your energy builds on every level as you plug these leaks.

You open up and get more curious. You become an excellent leader by becoming an excellent listener.

Gratitude will become your permanent position.


You speak your truth peacefully and powerfully, letting go of concern about what other people might think. You let that be their business. Your business is simply to know what you love and stand powerfully in that.

You begin to live what you love. The more you do, the better you feel. The better you feel, the more resistance you release. The more resistance you release, the more energy you have and the more open you become.

It becomes a powerful upward spiral of energy.


It’s a beautiful new world.



What it Takes to Alter Yourself

Are you gnashing your teeth, trying to change or alter something?


Does it feel like you’re fighting yourself – and losing?


You probably are. Consider this:


The Equation of Change

A person will not change or alter themselves as long as their perceived level of dissatisfaction is less than their perception of how much energy it is going to take to change.

Once this equation shifts, change will happen organically.

It is all about your built-in unconscious resistance to change. Your unconscious mind likes the status quo. Good, bad or indifferent, it will make the default choice to keep things as they are. This will lead you to tolerate things that are not working for a long time.


Up to a point. The tipping point will come when you allow yourself to feel the pain of where you are. The equation will shift, and your inner mind will support change away from the pain.


The key word here is “perception.”

Tolerating something you don’t like requires that you unconsciously alter your perception of how bad things are.


To make real alterations from the inside out, you need to shift this equation, by shifting your perception around one or more of the factors:


1. You can raise your level of awareness to how unsatisfactory things really are. (Quit making it OK for that faucet to be dripping, for instance)

2. You can raise your level of emotion about how beautiful it will be when you are on the other side of this, where you WANT to be. (Clearly and beautifully envision what you would really like)

3. And you can raise your understanding about how easy it can actually be to change. (Open up to  new information and possibilities about how very much is possible, in the field of energy work as it relates to change)

Here’s a key point: To do any of these effectively, you have to engage with FEELING. Your unconscious attachment to the status quo is driving this boat, and feeling is the way to communicate with your unconscious. It doesn't speak language or logic. It speaks in feelings. If you approach it with logic you are wasting your breath.

If you are trying hard to be OK with something when you are NOT truly OK with it, if you are avoiding feeling the frustration or whatever it is, you're actually keeping yourself stuck in the place you don't want to be.  In other words, admit that the faucet annoys you enough that you actually fix it.


There is a paradox here: in order to change or alter yourself you have to first accept where you are. But I'm not talking about tolerating.


ACCEPTING and TOLERATING are two very different things.


Acceptance merely means that you stop making yourself wrong. You stop saying "I SHOULD be somewhere different than where I am." You see the reality clearly, and you accept that this is what it true right now.


Tolerating, on the other hand, is saying "I have to stay here even though I don't like it, so I’ll just pretend it‘s OK."  If you accept, it really IS OK. If you tolerate, you are pretending – and underneath you are seething and tying up energy. People do it all the time – make it OK to be/do/have less than they really want. While still wanting it and telling themselves they can’t have it. THAT is tolerating. Tolerating is denial. Think about the energy you exude when you are tolerating something…I am guessing you feel frustrated, angry, unavailable and closed off. 


How do you flip this equation?

One way this happens is through a wake-up call. When you experience a near-miss, an accident, a serious illness, lose someone or something you love, in a flash you get deeply in touch with the fact that life is short and you're letting it slip away drip by drip. Have you ever noticed how very easy it is to change after a wake-up call?


I see the discovery sessions I offer as a personally initiated wake-up call.


In a discovery session I will help you shine a light on what's really going on. With this awareness, you can make an informed decision about what you want to do about whatever you're not satisfied with. You might decide to change, or you might decide to move into acceptance; I consider either outcome successful. Acceptance and change are both empowering states.


As you create awareness, openness, action and peace for yourself, the effects will ripple into all areas of your life, and the lives of those you love.



What is True Personal Freedom?

True Personal Freedom

July 4, 2013

American Independence Day



What is True Personal freedom?



True Personal Freedom is being willing and able to show up completely as yourself, who you really are.


Which to me means:

Being free of any thoughts that would have me deny who I really am, at a soul level.

Free of those old conditioned thoughts that are based in fear. The thoughts that would keep me attached to the illusion that I am small and limited.

Thoughts like:

  • I have something to prove.
  • I am not OK, just as I am.
  • I don't really belong; I owe something for being here.
  • That other people matter more than me.


What would YOU do, if you were personally free of thoughts like that, and able to fully and beautifully be who you are, in all your shiny brilliance?


How about declaring YOUR personal independence today?


Here’s my personal pledge:

I will live from this place of true freedom, as much as I can in any given moment. I will love myself and cut myself slack when I forget. I will treat myself with the love, respect and appreciation that I deserve. I will love fully and openly, and continue to release the protections I have built up around myself. I will set myself free to be exactly who I came here to be, as much as I can, in each moment. I will use this in every way I can to help move the world toward the vision I see:

A world filled with beautifully self-aware people who love themselves, love each other, love the earth and act accordingly.

This is the choice I will live from.

Will you join me in declaring our own true personal freedom?

Namaste and thank you.


Worry about what others think? Competence is key

My Dance with Competence


I am a competent person. And I would have said that I feel pretty much at peace with my basic competence.


Except for one thing: A few years back, when I was beginning to notice things with more awareness, I noticed a pattern that wasn’t serving me.


I noticed (after accusing someone else of this, and then using my judgment to look at myself – always a great way to find my own blindspots):


If I couldn’t be the best I wouldn’t play the game.


This of course is not part of the recipe for the fun and full life I wanted.


In this, I recognized a lifelong pattern of making sure that I am successful at what I do. To the extreme.


Here’s where the blind spot piece comes in: Interestingly enough, I was also carrying the story that I was not competitive.


Ha! It turns out, when I went deeper and found the story behind the story, that I was very competitive, indeed. What was true is that I would not compete if there was any chance that I would not win, be the best, most competent one. And what I found deep in that exploration is that I had attached a meaning to not being the best, which was:

I was a fool for trying, and it hurt. A lot.

And I had, obviously, built an ironclad rule I lived by, at all costs:

Do not allow that kind of pain. Do NOT be a fool.


This created a pattern of allowing myself one of two choices:

One, I would engage in such a way as to ensure that I would be the best, and in fact be so far ahead of everything that there was the illusion (for myself – it’s generally always only ourselves that we are fooling, right? That’s why they call these things blind spots) that there was no competition.

Or, two, I would not engage at all.


Once I brought this into my conscious awareness, of course, I have wanted to shift it. That’s always the dance, right – become aware of something, ask, is this serving, and if not, what would serve better?

So – now that I know that to change something means, as a first step, to embrace it, I asked myself, “Does this mean I have to be incompetent now?”


I did NOT like the feeling of that – all parts of me that have used competence as my basic definition of who I am in the world came to full attention and began to resist.


But I couldn’t deny the situation.

I used my usual three-part map to get clear about what needs to change, which is:


1. Where do I want to be?

2. Where am I now?

3. What inside me is in the way of me being there right now?

4. How do I shift that?


So – here was my assessment:


What I wanted: To be fully alive, open and free to do whatever I am inspired to do, without being held back by my own unconscious rules and limitations.


Where was I: Not allowing myself to do things unless I knew I’d be successful.


What was in the way: My ironclad, formerly unconscious rule: Don’t appear foolish. This rule was the root cause of that pattern.


How could I release that? Well, embrace looking foolish? Or embrace being incompetent? Back to the same question, do I really have to be incompetent to move through this? Argh, I didn’t like how that felt!!!


I really struggled with that. The part of me that was attached to competence has held on tight. And, as we know, it is very competent! It is going to keep itself in place! That’s what it does, right?  LOL. What a double bind it was.


Little by little, having noticed this conversation inside, I used actions in the world to soften it up. I let myself laugh at myself, lovingly, when I messed something up. I began to let it be OK. I began to let myself be OK.


And finally, I realized that was the easy door to go through. What I needed to embrace was the full acceptance of myself as OK, just as I am.  The understanding that I am fine, just as I am. I don’t have to be competent to be loved, to have a place in the world. That was MY requirement, not anyone else’s.


I’m not saying that everyone will now love me just as I am. Not at all.


I am saying that I am loveable just as I am. I don’t have to earn it, don’t have to prove it, it just is. People will love me or not – I don’t have to keep up an appearance around that. People will do what they do, and think what they think. They do anyway. Regardless with how much I do or do not keep up appearances.


The truth is that the more I put down any concern with appearances and just be myself, the more people actually love me.


The corollary to this is that it is impossible for someone to love me when I am keeping up appearances, because they can’t possibly know who I am. They can only know the persona I am presenting in that moment. And when they do think they love me, when I am not carrying a façade, they can love the real me, and the relationship can be real.


[Side bar] Which is why, if you are carrying a façade, and someone says they love you, you are able to deflect that so easily.  Deep inside you know it’s not true.  It can’t possible be true – you’ve set it up that way. They don’t see the real you to love, (because you’re not letting them) so they can’t really love you.  This gives you the opportunity to unconsciously judge both them and yourself for this – but that is a whole other conversation]



The big gift is that this allows me to try things, to speak my mind, say what matters, and do the work that I know I am here to do, more and more. It has led to such clarity about what I really want. It allows me to be me, and to shine as I do, rather than hide behind something that’s just an appearance.


The truth is, I don’t need to appear any way at all. No offense, but what you think of me does not matter all that much – it certainly doesn’t run my life any more. (much…I am still a human being in progress!)


Live independent of the good or bad opinion of others


I now understand, viscerally, what it means to live my life independent of the good or bad opinion of others. It doesn’t mean I don’t ask for feedback, listen to it and factor it in. It doesn’t mean I lack compassion – in fact, I am able to be MORE compassionate, because I am being more real. It just means I am letting myself be OK. After all, I let other people be OK all the time – it’s about time I do myself the same favor!


There’s a cultural tendency, from our western religious heritage, to carry a secret fear or belief that if we let our real selves have free rein, we will find they are lazy good for nothing beings who will hurt others, grab everything for ourselves and run completely amok, and that’s why we need rules and restrictions and religions – I mean, how else will we know right from wrong, and act accordingly?


Well – I carry a completely different knowing on this subject.


We don’t need anyone or anything to tell us right from wrong and to “make” us act better.


When left to your true nature, you will find that your biggest self is a mighty fine being.


You are loving, compassionate, and giving. The more you let yourself be OK, and truly yourself, the more you will act from love and the more beautiful and engaged your actions will be in the world.


Case in point – In the middle of writing this, I took a call form a client who wanted a bit of a reminder about and reconnection to who she really is. As we completed our conversation, she said, “I just can’t believe how I feel! When we get done with these calls I feel so clear about who I am and how amazing the possibilities are, that I just want to run out the door and get going!”


That’s what happens when you love yourself enough to put down the appearances, and truly live as who you are. Independent of what anyone else thinks.


What do YOU think of yourself? That’s what matters.


The Most Important Question

Every result you create in your life flows from the answer to this question.

It's a question that you probably don't know you are asking, and which you are answering unconsciously all the time:


Do I care more about  what other people think, or about what I think?

Do I care more about how I look to others, or how I feel?


Am I good enough for me?


When you decide to accept yourself right now, just as you are, your choices will be different, you will act in a very different way, and you will being to create the results, and the life, you really want.

The problem is, so much in our culture is geared to emphasize that you are NOT enough as you are. And we get into this weird thought pattern of thinking,
"I'll be good enough once I _________."

The problem with that is that you can't actually start from "over there," wherever "there" is.


You can only start from right here where you are right now. Which means accepting yourself as you are so you can quit resisting, and just get on with it.


“Well,” you might be saying, “If I was totally happy with myself and how I am, what would be my motivation to change or get better? If everyone thought they were just fine, the whole word would go to hell in a handbaasket because clearly we are NOT all right as we are. We ALL have a lot of work to do here, and who is going to save the earth and stop global warming if we think we’re just fine?”


Change is never made by people who are waiting to get themselves perfect before they do something.


Change is created through meaningful action taken by people who care more solving a problem than about what anyone might think about whether they are good enough to be the one to address it.

Whether you may be struggling with, the key is to let go of the struggle and just let yourself be OK eough to begin. Decide that you are good enough to begin, and that you are good enough to finish. Accept that you probably won't be as good as you will be after you've done it. Accept that you are human.


If this resonates and you want help moving into massive action through beautiful self acceptance, check out my 21 Day Program: Risk, Leap, Dream, Dare Where you will discover the answers to Lifes Most Important Question.





Will your Emergency to lead to Emergence?


I love it when I see a deeper meaning in words, and this morning’s addition to the elegance and truth in words was priceless.


I finally heard the word EMERGENCY in its true light. An emergency is when things get so bad that they just cannot continue as they are. A state of emergency exists and the only true solution is for something new to emerge.


I have long known that my work is most effective with people who have had a big wake-up call, and they are immediately and deeply in touch with their need to change, and the cost of not doing so. So they understand, to the core of their being, that this is an emergency.


I have long known that the purpose of my discovery session is to help a person connect to FEELING the emergency. I help people push themselves to get out of the numbness of day-to-day making things OK, and really feel, for the moment, how much it is actually costing not to live their life as fully as they really want to.


Not until this morning, though, did I connect these two particular words.


The emergence of your even bigger beautiful self is what can happen when you let an emergency split your life wide open, and you surrender to the change that needs to happen.


So here's the next question: Do you really need to wait until it's an emergency, or can you look at your current situation, feel the desire to change it, and allow yourself to emerge more easily? Do you really need the emergency?

Or can you just go ahead and emerge as an even more beautiful, authentic, real version of yourself, without any emergency at all?


It's like the story of the frog in the hot water. Toss a frog in very hot water, and it will jump right out. Put a frog in cold water and slowly bring the temperature up, and the frog will likely stay there until it boils – there's no moment of emergency to make it jump.

I had my own version of emergency that got me on my own path of growth and awareness, so I understand that story. I understand how, at the beginning, it takes an emergency. It takes things getting bad enough that you do, finally, surrender to the emergence of what is next. You do finally jump. It trully takes a wake up call to go from emergency to emergence. 


And I can also report that life gets especially delicious when you no longer require the emerency. When you just keep saying yes, and showing up more and more, because it feels so good.

FAQ – Asking HOW vs WHY

Asking HOW vs  WHYHow vs Why

Yesterday I received this question via email…it's such a great question, I decided to answer it here. May it serve!


Hey, Scout,

Thanks a lot for this life changing tool! (My Change the Question video)
I love your info, but am a litlle confused which question is more powerful, "why" or "how"?

Thanks so much, P

Dear P,

HOW vs WHY, That's a great question, thank you! 


"How" is definitely the more powerful question. Asking "why" just leads you into blame and excuses and reasons and justifications.


Here's a good way to approach a situation that you want to change is, using your questions to support you:

Begin by accepting that you are where you are, and put down all resistance.

Here I am, right now, in this spot. I accept that.

Breathe into it, allow it, use the variety of tools I offer to step into full acceptance.


And now, having fully accepted it as my current reality, I would like to change it. I choose to have this be different as I move forward. I recognize that in wanting to change,

Why I am here is far, far less important than how I will choose to deal with it.


Some people see Why as an interesting and useful question to lead you to get the lessons that are available to be learned – which is always important.


And a much better way to get to the lesson is to ask:


What am I to learn from this situation? What is the lesson available to me here?

Sit quietly and listen/feel for the answer. Your heart knows. Trust your heart.

So in the realm of which to ask: HOW vs WHY. How is definatively more powerlful and relvant. 

Hope this helps!!

Dance The Dance of Life

Dance of Life

The Dance of Life is an ongoing allowing of what is, in this moment, while feeling grateful for what is coming.


The resistance to what is, is merely one step in the dance.

It can stop us, when we choose to let it.

Or, we can just remember that it is just one of the steps in a beautiful dance.


Step in to the moment.

Feel the fear.


Twirl, turn, bow and face your fear.

Step into gratitude.

Twirl and feel the fear release.

Step back to trust, and slide step slide.

Step into another moment.

Simple dance the dance of life 


Finding and Speaking Your Authentic Voice

Finding and Speaking Your Authentic Voice

Are you a woman who would like to help to profoundly change the world?

Then the Key is Finding and Speaking Your Authentic Voice: your own voice. Consider:

Right now today:

  • Of 190 heads of state, 9 are women.
  • In the Corporate sector, 15 to 16% of the top positions are held by women.
  • 20% of non-profits are led by women.

These numbers have not changed since 2002 and are going in the wrong direction.


Why does this matter so much? It matters because women natively have a very different, heart-centered approach to how to operate in the world, and it is a loving, nurturing approach which is the only way we are going to adjust our relationship to the earth.


It matters because we need the balance between masculine and feminine, we need an integrated approach between yin and yang, left and right brain, head and heart.


And it is our responsibliity as women to step up, get past the cultural conditioning that holds us back, and take our seat at the table.


The cultural conditioning, for example, that for men, success and likeability are positively linked, and for women they are negatively linked. In other words – we like men who are successful, but we are not so sure about the gals. And we are not so sure about ourselves –  feel around inside yourself for any little voice that says – "Am I going to like MYSELF if I'm truly successful? Won't that make me a bitch, or pushy? I don't want to be pushy…"




This is such an important conversation. We have so many amazing women and heart-centered men in the world whose voices need to be heard…and it is up to us individually to step up and clear out that conditioning. Come from the heart, be who we are, and move the conversation and the numbers in a much more balanced direction.


This conversation is central to my vision, which is to live in a world filled with self-actualized people who love themselves, each other and the earth, and ACT ACCORDINGLY.


The ability to do these things authentically and powerfully comes from changing your INNER conversation about how much you and your voice matters. That's where my work is. Helping you change your inner conversation, your inner vision of who you are. Whether you're a woman or a heart-centered man who wants the picture to be different.


If this resonates and you want to take charge of your conditioning, let's talk. Go to:




You will find that my Discovery Session costs $197. However, if you go there from this blog post, today, and if you're a woman who's determined to bring more balance, through understanding and releasing your own conditioning, you can use this coupon code to get $150 discount on the session, bringing it to $47.00. I am offering 15 of these discounts as part of a call I am doing today, and about half of them got taken up immediately, so get in while they last!

coupon code: karen  


Just hit the buy now button, type "karen" in the coupon code box, hit "apply" and you will see the charge as $47. Answer the questions on the form you are taken to, and I will get in touch with you.


I hope I get to talk with you. Let's get our voices out in the world where they make a difference!