Tag Archives: action

Conscious choice, conscious change



Do you wish you felt more excited and alive, conscious of what you want and living to make it happen?

You are not alone.

The well accepted model for human behavior called Spiral Dynamics acknowledges that human nature is not fixed: humans are able, when forced by circumstances, to adapt to their environment by constructing new, more complex, conceptual models of the world that allow them to handle the new problems. Each new model includes and transcends all previous models.

It’s a spiral evolution of consciousness and behavior.

We are entering a new time of exciting possibility.

We are entering a proactive cycle the likes of which the world has never seen. We are no longer victims of our environment, requiring the force of a bad situation to move to a higher level. We can make the conscious choice and move ourselves. We can move into this next level in love, rather than being pushed into it by fear.

The level of deep openness and appreciation, sharing and connecting with who and what we love.

I have immersed myself in exploring the process of human change all my life, and this is what I know, based on my own personal experience working with hundreds of people:

    •    Over the course of the past several decades, we have been taking the shame out of investigating our inner world. We are more and more willing to investigate our own deep patterns.
    •    Our unconscious patterns are what create our choices and actions in the world.
    •    Unconscious patterns based on fear create behaviors that replicate fear, which leads to short term thinking, excessive control, conflict and devastation.
    •    The technology and practices now available for changing unconscious patterns are highly advanced and extremely effective.
    •    It is critical for ourselves, our loved ones and this beautiful planet that we use these technologies to change our own deep patters of behavior.
    •    The more we choose to use these practices to adopt loving patterns at the unconscious level, the more positive and powerful our effect on the world will be.


How OK can you let yourself be?

Up until this point, we have held a dualistic model of the world where in order to change, we had to make what was true before wrong.
The conscious choice to move to a more loving way of being, treating ourselves, each other and the earth with love and respect, actually requires the release of that right/wrong duality.

You don’t have to make where you are wrong in order to move to the next level.

In fact, the next level will not be reached until you let go of that judgment, especially self-judgment. Judgment is like cement that holds your patterns in place.

This is why is is so important to come from self-acceptance and love.


The shift is happening. From my perspective in this conscious change community, it is clear that we have already passed a tipping point of the number of people who need to do this, in order to effect the shift.

My work is to support this shift, guiding people into this place of deep self-acceptance and appreciation, doing the work at the unconscious level that releases their attachment to the old cultural story of “not ever quite good enough,” so they connect with the truth of who they really are – beautiful, powerful beings here to connect, love and dance the dance of life.

Let’s dance!

To learn how to work with your unconscious mind to make the changes you really want in your life, download my free e-book, up and to the right.

What is going on here?

ben's campfire

I spent much of my early life feeling deeply engaged and alive.

As I grew older I became more and more closed down. I felt frustrated, depressed and unable to figure out what was wrong. There was nothing in outside circumstances that would point to anything other than a great life. But I kept swirling down into a pit. What was wrong with me? Why wasn’t I happy?

Why couldn’t I figure this out?


Somehow, no matter how many times I pulled myself out, I kept falling into a pit of self questioning that derailed and debilitated me.

Eventually my determination to feel alive and engaged again got bigger than whatever was holding me back.

I decided I could not settle for anything less than a fully engaged life. I set out to find it. I began following nudges from life, hoping that life knew more than I did, and would take me where I wanted and needed to go.


That turned out to be so beautifully true.

I now feel more alive than ever, with a deep sense of joy, possibility, curiosity and wonder. I am living a beautiful and fully engaged life.


What I learned

I am not crazy, broken or wrong.  I are simply human. And so are you. We are not hard wired to suffer. We simply carry two competing impulses which, unrecognized and unmanaged, can create great suffering.

On a survival level, we resist change, and have an urge to close down and protect. On an evolutionary level, we yearn for expansion, with an urge to open up and connect.


We all do. We yearn for connection even as we protect ourselves from the pain it might bring.


What you are feeling is simply the natural yearning to expand into the full expression of yourself as a beautiful individual: open, capable, curious, deeply effective, wholeheartedly connected.

This is the choice I made. I learned how to relax my inherent urge to protect, and support my desire to expand. You can too. When you do, you will find a place of deep joy, fulfillment and your greatest effectiveness.


In my book, it's worth whatever it takes. You, your relationships, your world – nothing will ever be the same.

How I came to find my purpose


Ten years ago I felt flat, depressed and frustrated. I knew there was more to life – more I wanted to be doing, more I wanted to be contributing, more I wanted to be feeling. I wanted to live on purpose. I wanted to matter more. I couldn’t figure out what that meant or how to do it.

I was largely unaware of my inner world.

I had no idea that I was waging an incredible battle against myself inside.  


Luckily, my frustration pushed me so far that I finally let go and asked life to help me find what I was looking for.

It worked. Life took me inside to see clearly what was happening in my inner world. It led me to the people that could help me understand and approach everything differently. I got what I needed to begin to act as my own best ally instead of my own worst enemy.

In some ways, I have made this extra crazy for myself because I have been a very stubborn case. Letting go and trusting is such a stretch! Which comes first? How can I trust if I don’t let go? How can I let go if I don’t trust?


It has been and continues to be a process and daily practice.

It has been the most rewarding thing I have ever done, for myself and everyone I care about.


Everything has changed.

My relationships are fundamentally different.  I used to hide the real me, protect my heart by allowing no one access to it, control my experience and deny true connection. Now I am able to be open and loving, showing up curious, willing and able to trust enough to connect deeply.

There is no real distinction between my work and my life. I am so fully on purpose, doing what I love, that my work infuses my life and it feels wonderful. This does not mean I have become a workaholic. It means that there’s either no such thing as work, or no such thing as life without purpose or meaning. There’s just no distinction. I am fully engaged in my life and my work and they are tied together in joy and meaning.


This was not an immediate magical shift.


It has been the result of deliberate new choices made over several years. It continues to deepen and become richer. And it is the best thing I have ever done for myself and for everyone around me.

This shift has reconnected me to joy.

Now I help other people find their purpose by reconnecting to their joy. And that’s about as good as life can get.


If you feel the shift and want to find YOUR purpose here, send me an email.


One thing I feel quite sure of – if finding your purpose is your next step, your heart is telling you loud and clear. It's time.


I will be delighted to speak with you.



Connect with Money: Free Meditation

I recommend that you listen to this post, rather than read it.

Click here to listen. (7 minutes):


Who is Money?



We all grew up with stories about money.

Stories like:


  • Money is hard to get. If you get it too easily you’re cheating somehow or taking advantage or just plain lazy.
  • You shouldn’t want money. If you were a good person, you’d be fine with what you have.
  • Money is bad and evil and you are bad if you want it.
  • You can’t be spiritual and have money.
  • People who focus on money are rigid, they’re making money more important than love.
  • You can’t trust money. You can’t trust yourself with money.
  • People who have money can’t be trusted.
  • People who don’t have money can’t be trusted.
  • People who want money are greedy, self-serving, callow, insensitive, uncaring.


Yes, there are endless stories about money.

And I carried my share. I used to have a very convoluted relationship with money,

I used to push money away, keep it at a distance.  I had my own unconscious story about who I would be, what it would mean, if I had money – and since I rejected that person, I rejected money. Somehow I always made sure, without even realizing how I was doing it – that I had just barely enough.  I doubted myself mercilessly and often stopped myself in my tracks because of all the tangled up mess that was my story about money.


Now, things have changed.

Now I view money very differently. 

And I am acting very differently, doing more of the things that really matter to me, speaking my truth more clearly and loving my life far more –


Because I have learned something.

I know something new.

I now know who money is.


I used to have money locked away in a cage, as something dangerous and bad. Something I never went near, that I could never connec with.


That changed.


I got frustrated with how money was in my life, and I got curious.

I went over to the cage, which was a bit scary in itself. 

I went over to that cage and I sat there to connect with money.

I sat with it and I felt its sadness. I felt how very bad it felt, being locked in the cage.  How very much it wanted to be out and a part of things, helping out. Helping me.


I felt how very much love was there, that I had never realized.


I saw that all the old stories about money were somebody else’s stories, and I was here with it now and it is a living, loving, breathing being that loves me and wants to help.


When I felt ready, I let it out of the cage to connect.


It came into the room. It came up to me and stood in front of me, looking me deeply in the eye.

We connected.


Money has so much energy.


I photo(20)could feel the energy. I could feel the power.

It turns out that it is life force energy, embodied. Powerful, beautiful life force energy. That is all and everything that it is.

I am so happy to have finally made peace with money, and to have let it out of its cage so that we can actually become friends and partners. I have released and connected money into my life, to join me on my journey.


It is standing here with me now, powerfully and lovingly. It has shifted in shape a bit as we have gone through this; it is now a beautiful big black spirit cat. A pamther. We are here together, standing here together, looking out at everything that is possible, my hand resting on its shoulder.


I love and honor money as the true embodiment of life force that it is.

It has been maligned, used, beaten up, imprisoned, thrown around –


Here and now, I commit to love and honor money as my partner.


I commit to stand with this beautiful being, this embodied energy that has been passed down through the generations.

Some have dissipated it. Some have strengthened it.


I will be one who strengthens.

I will honor money. I will connect with it and use the energy from that connection well, to support the things that matter. Love and beauty and playfulness and joy and connection.

Money is the life force energy behind the vision I hold, of people remembering.


Thank you, money. Thank you. I love you.

As I love myself.

As I love all things.


And as I act accordingly.

Thank you.





I would very much love it if you would leave a comment and let me know what this helped make clear for you.

Because You CAN Love your Life

I have a story to share with you.


Nancy has asked me to share it, in the hopes that it will serve you.

Nancy is an amazing gal. Just amazing. She has done so many interesting things in her life – it’s inspiring to watch her.

It’s also been confusing sometimes, and occasionally exhausting.

Because although she’s amazing, she never seemed to see it herself. She kept pushing and pushing and pushing, like nothing was ever enough.

She came to me because she was exhausted and wanted to give up.

But somehow she knew there was something more out there if she could just find it. If she could just figure out the right question to ask or find the right work or me et the right teacher.

Something I had said about never settling really resonated with her. She didn’t know what she was settling for but was determined not to settle for less than what she came here for.

She knew she came here for something good.

And it wasn’t good enough yet.

She didn’t know what to do about that. She just figured it must be time to do something very different.

So we started sorting through her old stories and getting down to what really mattered, what was really true, and what was just a story.

It’s been quite a journey.

She was very, very attached to one particular story.


It had cost her dearly in her life, because she kept looking for other people who would help her prove that it was true.

But so often they didn’t – they had their own story. They didn't believe hers.

You know those blinding flash-of-insight moments you have sometimes?

She had one this morning.

This morning, she suddenly saw that, all her life, her story had been wrong.
(Sorry to say this so bluntly, but those are her words).

She had been totally, completely wrong.


And this is what she is asking me to pass along for her:

What if your story is wrong too?


Her story was very, very simple:

"They don’t want me. I don’t belong here."


And it turns out she was wrong.
As hard as she had tried to prove it, she just couldn’t.

Life wouldn’t let her.


She IS wanted. She IS loved. She IS supported.

Now she’s sitting here in a daze, filled with a beautiful sense of possibility and curiosity about what this means, and how her life will change because of it.

It’s a bit scary, and even more, it's very, very exciting.

Mostly, though – it’s a relief beyond measure, to quit fighting the real story.


So Nancy wanted me to pass it on.

Life wants you to live.  
Life wants you to love life.
Life wants you to love YOUR life.

Life is asking you to question any story that denies life.


What if you could surrender an old story?
What story would you surrender?


Because you CAN love your life.

I see you. I would love to help you see yourself.

Click here when you'd like to explore what's possible.





"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" Mary Oliver

What it Takes to Alter Yourself

Are you gnashing your teeth, trying to change or alter something?


Does it feel like you’re fighting yourself – and losing?


You probably are. Consider this:


The Equation of Change

A person will not change or alter themselves as long as their perceived level of dissatisfaction is less than their perception of how much energy it is going to take to change.

Once this equation shifts, change will happen organically.

It is all about your built-in unconscious resistance to change. Your unconscious mind likes the status quo. Good, bad or indifferent, it will make the default choice to keep things as they are. This will lead you to tolerate things that are not working for a long time.


Up to a point. The tipping point will come when you allow yourself to feel the pain of where you are. The equation will shift, and your inner mind will support change away from the pain.


The key word here is “perception.”

Tolerating something you don’t like requires that you unconsciously alter your perception of how bad things are.


To make real alterations from the inside out, you need to shift this equation, by shifting your perception around one or more of the factors:


1. You can raise your level of awareness to how unsatisfactory things really are. (Quit making it OK for that faucet to be dripping, for instance)

2. You can raise your level of emotion about how beautiful it will be when you are on the other side of this, where you WANT to be. (Clearly and beautifully envision what you would really like)

3. And you can raise your understanding about how easy it can actually be to change. (Open up to  new information and possibilities about how very much is possible, in the field of energy work as it relates to change)

Here’s a key point: To do any of these effectively, you have to engage with FEELING. Your unconscious attachment to the status quo is driving this boat, and feeling is the way to communicate with your unconscious. It doesn't speak language or logic. It speaks in feelings. If you approach it with logic you are wasting your breath.

If you are trying hard to be OK with something when you are NOT truly OK with it, if you are avoiding feeling the frustration or whatever it is, you're actually keeping yourself stuck in the place you don't want to be.  In other words, admit that the faucet annoys you enough that you actually fix it.


There is a paradox here: in order to change or alter yourself you have to first accept where you are. But I'm not talking about tolerating.


ACCEPTING and TOLERATING are two very different things.


Acceptance merely means that you stop making yourself wrong. You stop saying "I SHOULD be somewhere different than where I am." You see the reality clearly, and you accept that this is what it true right now.


Tolerating, on the other hand, is saying "I have to stay here even though I don't like it, so I’ll just pretend it‘s OK."  If you accept, it really IS OK. If you tolerate, you are pretending – and underneath you are seething and tying up energy. People do it all the time – make it OK to be/do/have less than they really want. While still wanting it and telling themselves they can’t have it. THAT is tolerating. Tolerating is denial. Think about the energy you exude when you are tolerating something…I am guessing you feel frustrated, angry, unavailable and closed off. 


How do you flip this equation?

One way this happens is through a wake-up call. When you experience a near-miss, an accident, a serious illness, lose someone or something you love, in a flash you get deeply in touch with the fact that life is short and you're letting it slip away drip by drip. Have you ever noticed how very easy it is to change after a wake-up call?


I see the discovery sessions I offer as a personally initiated wake-up call.


In a discovery session I will help you shine a light on what's really going on. With this awareness, you can make an informed decision about what you want to do about whatever you're not satisfied with. You might decide to change, or you might decide to move into acceptance; I consider either outcome successful. Acceptance and change are both empowering states.


As you create awareness, openness, action and peace for yourself, the effects will ripple into all areas of your life, and the lives of those you love.



Note to my Younger Self

My Younger self

To My Younger self:

My good friend Debbie LaChusa has a birthday today, and as part of her birthday musings, she posed the question:

What would I like to go back and tell my younger self?

It felt so good to answer this question I decided to post my reply here, and then to ask you. What would YOU say to your younger self?


A note to my younger self.


As you are setting out into the world,

Remember to breathe. You are perfectly fine. Right here, right now. Whatever is going on is temporary. All of it – what seems good, what feels hard…all the feelings are temporary.

Find your own center, and stand in it. Let other people stand in theirs. Appreciate the differences, the connections, the similarities, the synchronicities – appreciate it all.

Always err on the side of kindness and connection.

When you wonder what the point of it all is – the point is to live it. To be here, be present, show up and feel it. Feel each and every moment as fully as possible. Do things that scare you. Put down the camera and be in the picture. Run down the sand dunes.

Choose to feel good. When you are inclined to do something that feels good, do it. Focus on what you love. Move in that direction.

Don't take it all so seriously. Let yourself be curious. When you feel like you've got something to prove, choose to laugh instead. Love the part of you that wants to prove, and then let it go. Relax into being curious. It's OK to know what you know, it's OK to not know what you don't know yet. It's all OK. There is nothing to prove.

Know yourself, and trust. Any time you're afraid, fall back into gratitude. Remember the times you have been supported in amazing and seemingly magical ways, and trust that this will continue. Trust that the support is there even when you are too scared to see it, feel it, or even imagine it. It is there. You will find, as you go along, that it is always there, even when it takes you years to see the "how" of it all. Trust yourself. Trust me.

You can trust life.


How about you? Please add a comment about what YOU would tell YOUR younger self!

Are you being receptive, or defensive?

Being ReceptiveGiving and receiving


Don't you feel great, when you have the opportunity to help someone, and they graciously accept and receive your help?

Contrast that to how it feels when you offer help and they turn you down, reject your offer, or take your help begrudgingly.


The whole giving/receiving cycle is pretty messed up, because it’s all tied up with power. The giving position, in our culture, is the easy one, the one that's celebrated, and considered the power position. Receiving, by and large, is taken to mean you’re weak.


And yet, what happens when everyone wants to give, and no one is willing to be receptive? The cycle stops. The givers have no one to give to. It grinds to a halt and everyone is frustrated. I chose this photo to illustrate the beautiful balance, in this case, a balance between giving and receiving trust and support. On a day in the canyon, trust and support are given and received all day long.


I teach about this all the time – and this morning I had one of my wonderful little word-epiphanies that help me communicate a new idea.


The word is receptive.


How does it feel when someone is receptive of your help?

How do you feel, when YOU are openly receptive of someone's help?

Being truly receptive is something that only centered, grounded and powerful people can do.

In fact, I would say that often it is THE most powerful position.


The opposite of receptive, in my way of thinking, is defensive – which is a very weak place to be.

Thank you for being powerfully receptive of my message.


How about GIVING a comment here, to let me know what you think about giving and receiving, receptive and defensive? I'd be honored to receive it!



What is True Personal Freedom?

True Personal Freedom

July 4, 2013

American Independence Day



What is True Personal freedom?



True Personal Freedom is being willing and able to show up completely as yourself, who you really are.


Which to me means:

Being free of any thoughts that would have me deny who I really am, at a soul level.

Free of those old conditioned thoughts that are based in fear. The thoughts that would keep me attached to the illusion that I am small and limited.

Thoughts like:

  • I have something to prove.
  • I am not OK, just as I am.
  • I don't really belong; I owe something for being here.
  • That other people matter more than me.


What would YOU do, if you were personally free of thoughts like that, and able to fully and beautifully be who you are, in all your shiny brilliance?


How about declaring YOUR personal independence today?


Here’s my personal pledge:

I will live from this place of true freedom, as much as I can in any given moment. I will love myself and cut myself slack when I forget. I will treat myself with the love, respect and appreciation that I deserve. I will love fully and openly, and continue to release the protections I have built up around myself. I will set myself free to be exactly who I came here to be, as much as I can, in each moment. I will use this in every way I can to help move the world toward the vision I see:

A world filled with beautifully self-aware people who love themselves, love each other, love the earth and act accordingly.

This is the choice I will live from.

Will you join me in declaring our own true personal freedom?

Namaste and thank you.


Worry about what others think? Competence is key

My Dance with Competence


I am a competent person. And I would have said that I feel pretty much at peace with my basic competence.


Except for one thing: A few years back, when I was beginning to notice things with more awareness, I noticed a pattern that wasn’t serving me.


I noticed (after accusing someone else of this, and then using my judgment to look at myself – always a great way to find my own blindspots):


If I couldn’t be the best I wouldn’t play the game.


This of course is not part of the recipe for the fun and full life I wanted.


In this, I recognized a lifelong pattern of making sure that I am successful at what I do. To the extreme.


Here’s where the blind spot piece comes in: Interestingly enough, I was also carrying the story that I was not competitive.


Ha! It turns out, when I went deeper and found the story behind the story, that I was very competitive, indeed. What was true is that I would not compete if there was any chance that I would not win, be the best, most competent one. And what I found deep in that exploration is that I had attached a meaning to not being the best, which was:

I was a fool for trying, and it hurt. A lot.

And I had, obviously, built an ironclad rule I lived by, at all costs:

Do not allow that kind of pain. Do NOT be a fool.


This created a pattern of allowing myself one of two choices:

One, I would engage in such a way as to ensure that I would be the best, and in fact be so far ahead of everything that there was the illusion (for myself – it’s generally always only ourselves that we are fooling, right? That’s why they call these things blind spots) that there was no competition.

Or, two, I would not engage at all.


Once I brought this into my conscious awareness, of course, I have wanted to shift it. That’s always the dance, right – become aware of something, ask, is this serving, and if not, what would serve better?

So – now that I know that to change something means, as a first step, to embrace it, I asked myself, “Does this mean I have to be incompetent now?”


I did NOT like the feeling of that – all parts of me that have used competence as my basic definition of who I am in the world came to full attention and began to resist.


But I couldn’t deny the situation.

I used my usual three-part map to get clear about what needs to change, which is:


1. Where do I want to be?

2. Where am I now?

3. What inside me is in the way of me being there right now?

4. How do I shift that?


So – here was my assessment:


What I wanted: To be fully alive, open and free to do whatever I am inspired to do, without being held back by my own unconscious rules and limitations.


Where was I: Not allowing myself to do things unless I knew I’d be successful.


What was in the way: My ironclad, formerly unconscious rule: Don’t appear foolish. This rule was the root cause of that pattern.


How could I release that? Well, embrace looking foolish? Or embrace being incompetent? Back to the same question, do I really have to be incompetent to move through this? Argh, I didn’t like how that felt!!!


I really struggled with that. The part of me that was attached to competence has held on tight. And, as we know, it is very competent! It is going to keep itself in place! That’s what it does, right?  LOL. What a double bind it was.


Little by little, having noticed this conversation inside, I used actions in the world to soften it up. I let myself laugh at myself, lovingly, when I messed something up. I began to let it be OK. I began to let myself be OK.


And finally, I realized that was the easy door to go through. What I needed to embrace was the full acceptance of myself as OK, just as I am.  The understanding that I am fine, just as I am. I don’t have to be competent to be loved, to have a place in the world. That was MY requirement, not anyone else’s.


I’m not saying that everyone will now love me just as I am. Not at all.


I am saying that I am loveable just as I am. I don’t have to earn it, don’t have to prove it, it just is. People will love me or not – I don’t have to keep up an appearance around that. People will do what they do, and think what they think. They do anyway. Regardless with how much I do or do not keep up appearances.


The truth is that the more I put down any concern with appearances and just be myself, the more people actually love me.


The corollary to this is that it is impossible for someone to love me when I am keeping up appearances, because they can’t possibly know who I am. They can only know the persona I am presenting in that moment. And when they do think they love me, when I am not carrying a façade, they can love the real me, and the relationship can be real.


[Side bar] Which is why, if you are carrying a façade, and someone says they love you, you are able to deflect that so easily.  Deep inside you know it’s not true.  It can’t possible be true – you’ve set it up that way. They don’t see the real you to love, (because you’re not letting them) so they can’t really love you.  This gives you the opportunity to unconsciously judge both them and yourself for this – but that is a whole other conversation]



The big gift is that this allows me to try things, to speak my mind, say what matters, and do the work that I know I am here to do, more and more. It has led to such clarity about what I really want. It allows me to be me, and to shine as I do, rather than hide behind something that’s just an appearance.


The truth is, I don’t need to appear any way at all. No offense, but what you think of me does not matter all that much – it certainly doesn’t run my life any more. (much…I am still a human being in progress!)


Live independent of the good or bad opinion of others


I now understand, viscerally, what it means to live my life independent of the good or bad opinion of others. It doesn’t mean I don’t ask for feedback, listen to it and factor it in. It doesn’t mean I lack compassion – in fact, I am able to be MORE compassionate, because I am being more real. It just means I am letting myself be OK. After all, I let other people be OK all the time – it’s about time I do myself the same favor!


There’s a cultural tendency, from our western religious heritage, to carry a secret fear or belief that if we let our real selves have free rein, we will find they are lazy good for nothing beings who will hurt others, grab everything for ourselves and run completely amok, and that’s why we need rules and restrictions and religions – I mean, how else will we know right from wrong, and act accordingly?


Well – I carry a completely different knowing on this subject.


We don’t need anyone or anything to tell us right from wrong and to “make” us act better.


When left to your true nature, you will find that your biggest self is a mighty fine being.


You are loving, compassionate, and giving. The more you let yourself be OK, and truly yourself, the more you will act from love and the more beautiful and engaged your actions will be in the world.


Case in point – In the middle of writing this, I took a call form a client who wanted a bit of a reminder about and reconnection to who she really is. As we completed our conversation, she said, “I just can’t believe how I feel! When we get done with these calls I feel so clear about who I am and how amazing the possibilities are, that I just want to run out the door and get going!”


That’s what happens when you love yourself enough to put down the appearances, and truly live as who you are. Independent of what anyone else thinks.


What do YOU think of yourself? That’s what matters.