Do you have anyone in your life who is breaking your heart, because of a spiral they are in?
It might be a spiral of addiction, depression, anxiety, overwhelm, anger…
any downward spiral
that is keeping them from being able to be the person you know they actually are?
It’s just heartbreaking, isn’t it?
When it isn’t infuriating or debilitating or demoralizing
or all the other very human reactions that you go through over their pain,
and their inability to get themselves out of it,
their inability or unwillingness to receive help,
their apparent insistence on not seeing the writing on the wall…
yes, there’s a lot of frustration and anger and pain for you as well.
Which of course makes it really really hard to not lash out at them,
at yourself, at the situation…the spiral reaches out to capture everyone in its vortex.
So you wonder,
Underneath all the pain, suffering, despair and whatever it is that is holding them in the spiral,
How do you actually help these people?
What is it you can actually help them to do?
You have seen that sometimes your best of intentions make the problem worse.
You know the pain of offering something that took it all the other direction…
You also know that
you hit on a really good turn of phrase,
the perfect time to give a hug,
the perfect time to stand back and not intrude
on a moment or an emotion they really need to go through instead of be pulled out of…
(and yet five minutes later they may be ready
for you to give them a hand pulling out of it,
and sometimes you know that too…)
Yes. It’s an art and a science.
And you can learn this.
You can learn to be a really, really powerfully good friend
who can be there in a way that helps them profoundly.
You can develop a much better sense of how to be with this person,
in a way that truly supports them in the moments they are moving through.
You can do this.
This is what I am going to be teaching in the program I am offering in September –
How to do just this:
How to get YOURSELF to the place of presence
where you know what is needed,
and how best to offer it in the moment
and over time.
There is a way to tap into a space where this knowing comes far more naturally to you.
I am going to help you see what is happening and what is possible,
by painting a picture of what is happening in the interaction at various times,
and how you can fit into it,
offering support where appropriate,
simply witnessing and being present when that is what is needed.
Through this I will give you a really good way to feel into
the difference between supporting and rescuing,
so you can feel the difference between rescue that is truly needed
and rescue that is a falling back into the spiral.
This will help you know when to let them swim on their own,
and find more of their own capacity –
and when to actually reach out to keep them from drowning.
There are not rules to this.
I cannot tell you in this instance you do this, not that.
That is just simply not how it works.
It works by becoming more able and willing to be in tune,
more able to read the situation,
more open to the moment by moment nuances.
A big part of this is the process of lowering your own guard…
releasing the self-protectiveness that prevents the level of connection
that this kind of interaction needs.
I will be teaching you how to manage your own energy to be truly there,
completely there for them in a way that serves,
but in no way diminishes you – on fact quite the opposite.
I will be teaching you how to hold the boundaries – the edges, the distinctions –
between you and them, in a way that serves both of you,
helps you both get stronger, more loving and able to truly make a difference.
And then I am going to give you some tools that will make it easier
for you to manage the things in you that make this difficult.
The little voices that come from your own fear, your own exhaustion,
your own authentic and valid needs.
The little voices that say –
But what about me?
Trust me. This is the voice inside that this program is designed to speak to.
This is not just about that other person.
This is for you.
In order to help another, you have to place yourself in a powerful position,
so you have as much to give as you would really like to be able to give.
You will learn how to honor yourself, so you give only from your natural overflow,
not through a sacrifice of your precious core energy.
This is boundary holding at its most loving.
If you would like to learn what that actually entails and how to do it for yourself,
I hope you’ll join me for the program I am offering in September.
Four training calls, four opportunities for live coaching in a group setting –it’s going to be a very powerful program.
You can read about it here:
Please check it out, and join me.