I have a question for which I am looking for reframing / clarity.
It sounds very minor, and truly is, but…
I am in the middle of a small work issue. Has yet to be resolved or completed one way or the other.
Bottom line, I needed to FedEx someone’s pay check to them in Dallas for work. Obviously, I want to do a good job at work.
For some reason, I forgot that the address would be printed on the check. D’Oh. So, I looked at an old ‘roster’ and found the person’s address, but it was an old address.
The check did not get to the person as planned yesterday. Even if it had been delivered correctly, there may have been a problem as this person was kicked out by his roommate yesterday anyway.
The people at the address I did send it to have told our guy they didn’t receive it. FedEx says it was signed for (by our guy).
So, no check. And a guy threatening not to show up to work on our shoots.
I have FedEx working on it. May be resolved tomorrow.
I am blaming myself and hugely freaking out. This may seem like – and end up being – suuuuch a small thing. I have not told the powers that be any of this, as I am determined to fix it and make it OK.
Bottom line, I am beating myself up for messing up and not even looking in the right place for the address. As small as it sounds, I am really feeling like it makes me unworthy for the job.
And, yes, I know lots of stuff I have done right. More than wrong.
How do I reframe this?
I’m so sorry to hear of the mess up with the check. Bummer. And, yeah, beyond bummer when it all messes with your worthiness stuff.
I’ve got to tell you, the worthiness stuff is really up for almost everyone I talk to right now. (Including me) I think we must be having a cultural purging of this exhausting question of worthiness.
I will speak to this question on the call tomorrow, (Note: this question was asked as part of the Energetics of Flow program) I don’t know if that’ll be timely enough to help you on this one? Hopefully it will.
Meanwhile, I’m going to share an insight that has come through for me, in some of my own dealings. It has opened up a LOT of space inside me…I’ll talk about it more on the call, but I’ll share what I can here in case it has resonance and can help you tonight.
I realized that in many areas, I have never actually, truly in my heart admitted to myself that I might not be able to do “this.” Whatever the “this” is at the moment of despair.
The “this” turned out to be many things…the point is, I realize that if I can’t admit, in my heart, that I might not be able to do it, or might not be able to do it all by myself, what that meant was I couldn’t begin. Because, as a corollary in my system, failure was not an option.
This was all completely unconscious. Obviously, if I am just now getting it at 61! LOL
In some weird way, actually breaking down and admitting to myself that I might not be able to do it, might not be up to the job, freed up the other side of the pendulum, and I could say, but maybe I am.
I know it sounds weird, but the ability to allow the fact that maybe I’m not up to it gave me the grace to be OK to try, after all.
I wonder what would happen if you let yourself truly admit, inside, maybe I can’t do this…and just sit with that. Let it be there. Let it sink in as one possibility…let it be ok. Let that pebble sink all the way to the bottom of the pool and land. No resistance, no claiming it, just neutral. Let it be one of many possibilities.
Notice that there’s a belief that rears its head as you do this – that’s the knee-jerk unconscious belief that you have to get it right, you can’t get it wrong. (For more on that inner conversation, check out this blog post on Dragons)
Let this compassion you are giving yourself in this moment surround and embrace that belief. It’s OK. You do not have to “get it right.” You do not have to be perfect. There is no such thing.
Then when you’re ready, say:
And maybe I can. Maybe I am up to this. Maybe I am OK. Maybe it was just a mistake and I am going to be OK anyway.
Breathe into that.
Let that be an equal possibility.
See what happens
For me, this was stunningly empowering. I actually believe this is the process of “hitting bottom” which is what allows the coming back up. And – while you say this is a small thing, it’s really not, right? It’s your worthiness. It is as big as it gets.
So if you can hit bottom with this worthiness question, and come back up, and know how to do it so you can do it again next time this comes up, in some other way – maybe you can notice yourself catching it earlier and earlier in the process, so your “bottom” becomes higher and higher, until eventually it’s just another little bump in the road.
I’d love to hear how it lands for you.
Much love to you!