When you decide to follow your inner knowing that you are here on earth to do something important, something you love and believe in with all your heart, it can get really dicey when you decide to turn this into a business. In addition to all the technical things you need to learn, you are embarking on a tremendous spiritual journey. There are layers you will go through in being able to speak and live your truth, so you can do your work with complete authority and authenticity.
Can I really do this?
Level one is hmmm- I think I want to make some kind of difference in the world, but I don’t know. Can I really do this? Who do I think I am? I don’t know. You go, stop, go, stop. You’ve got a toe in the water, testing…and you will put your tow in and pull it out for a variety of reasons until finally, one day you get in the water and start trying to swim.
“I have to get this right.”
Level two, You have either slipped in or thrown yourself into the water. You are committing to your work and making money and being the next level of real with it all. This kicks up fear. You’re asking the world to support you in the work of your heart, and you’re not sure you know enough to make that happen.
The investment of your ego is greater and the inner conversation is something like: “I have to get this right.”
You hire coaches and use their models and this phase can be pretty productive and successful. Except that you’re using someone else’s model and it doesn’t feel like the ME you came here to be.
Eventually, you start feeling like you are pushing to be someone you’re not – pushing to match up to someone else, or even somehow be someone else. Trying to be like your coach or your mentor becomes less and less satisfying. You don’t want to be living someone else’s model, no matter how successful it is…it’s not you. And you came here to be YOU.
SO….eventually you may be moved into the dragon territory of
“I can’t get this wrong.”
Here’s the bare naked truth of this spot: You are going into territory that you don’t and can’t know in advance. There are no maps, because by definition, no one else has ever gone here. This is the territory you came here to explore, the new ground you came to learn about and report back on. All of everything is on the line. And at this point this is really the only thing that matters to your soul. You can’t not do this. It feels like you are all alone, and will become even more alone as you go deeper into this territory. What if you get it wrong?
So the inner conversation of terror is: “I can’t not do this… and I can’t get this wrong.”
Coaching in this territory requires a deep understanding of and experience with the territory of terror. To be a safe coach, you have to KNOW what happens if you try to push through terror. You really have to KNOW that providing models to follow, holding accountable, and pushing through fear or resistance actually derail the process and deepen the terror, re-traumatizing the system. And you have to know what actually works to bring a person through to the other side of their terror.
I don’t really know if terror is something that everyone eventually experiences, if they go deep enough into being truly who they are. I can’t know, from out here. I think it’s possible that there are people who don’t go all the way to terror, who are able to make the transition more peacefully, simply moving through fear without so much resistance. Those people are out living their lives vibrantly and doing really interesting things, being themselves, comfortable in their own skin, competent, courageous. I think it’s rare.
It doesn’t really matter. Through my own experience, and the work I’ve done with people these last ten years, what I do know is that this is a real thing, and if it is what is happening for you, it’s as big as it gets, and everything is on the line. It’s where every single thing in your life gets called into question.
Terror is a completely different animal than fear, and must be approached completely differently.
If you would like to explore where you might be on this map, and what you can do to navigate the dragons, I would love to have a conversation with you. Simply sign up for a Discovery session and we’ll see what’s up for you, through this lens of doubt, fear and terror.
Whether or not we end up doing any further work together, I promise this in itself will be a life altering conversation. I also promise you that you are not alone. It is possible to walk together in a way that you can bring yourself through, so you can relax and do your real work with joy and power.